Fat Jeans

Young and pre-pubescent, my girlfriends and I arrived at the getty.

This was a term some trend-setting adolescent in my generation coined to describe a small get-together. We were in a room full of pre-teens. Some sat on the furniture, others on the shag rug. All around the coffee table decorated with a colorful variety of finger foods. I sat on the floor with my back against the couch—just at arms length of the food. I leaned in, grabbed a potato chip, dipped it in the French Onion Dip, and put it in my mouth. I want another one, I thought. So I grabbed another potato chip, dipped it generously, and put it in my mouth. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

15 chips, four slices of pizza, two empanadas, and eight meatballs later, I sat back and obsessed over each bite. The waistband of my jeans wrapped around me like a python ready to snack on this chubby little girl. And a self-loathing crept up to the middle of my chest and wrapped itself around my heart. This was my usual M.O.: Overeat. Regret. Panic.

But this wasn’t intended to be a sad story, and it truly isn’t. Because I managed to find a pair of fat jeans.

Most women should know exactly what I’m talking about, regardless of their waist size. Who knows? Perhaps even men understand.

Fat jeans are the jeans you wear when you’re feeling “pleasantly plump” (to avoid using the F-word again). Perhaps you’ve been highly stressed lately and unable to plan your meals for your day, and so you’ve put on a few pounds. Or your partner broke up with you, and you’ve recently become best friends with Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, though it mocks you with that name. In either situation, these special jeans keep you from staying in on the weekend.

My current fat jeans have been with me for nearly five years now. Others have come before these, but these have by far have been the best. Like “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” these jeans fit me perfectly, whether I’m carrying a little extra around my waist and thighs, or if I’ve leaned out nicely.

Still, they don’t condone that I give in to gluttony. On the contrary, they help me stay in shape, but likewise remind me that it’s not the end of the world if they fit a little snug every now and then. If I’ve strayed from my nutritional and fitness regimen, my fat jeans can tell. But they won’t put me down. They won’t cut into my thighs as I try to pull them up. They won’t refuse to go beyond my hips. No, they’ll simply hug me a little tighter to reassure me.

Fat jeans are a constant reminder that a healthy self-image is far more important than a pant size.